4 Steps Toward Balance After Disappointment

March 10, 2015

Butterfly  You botched the interview. You didn’t get into the MBA program at a top-tier university. The promotion you were seeking went to someone else. Things are not going according to the plan and now your life is upside down and you’re walking through molasses. How do you regain balance after disappointment?

What about if you reframed the disappointment as a catalyst to your growth? You could then consider these trying times as an opportunity to become stronger and wiser. I’d like you to consider these four steps toward balance after disappointment:

1. Remain present for the experience

The desire to escape the pain of disappointment is the path of least resistance. Try to remain present. It is more painful in the short run, but in the long run, greater emotional health and vitality will be your reward. I’ve found that the disappointment comes through in waves. The intensity waxes and wanes. By remaining present, you can acknowledge the situation with clarity. Say to yourself, “I am here now. I will not be here forever. This too will pass.”

2. Seek and accept support

If you recognize that you are not alone in the struggle against the pain of disappointment, your challenge becomes less self-centered and more about what it means to be a human being in the year 2015. These are hyper-competitive times. Once you remember that we are all connected to the great mystery of life, you’ll feel less alone and more inclined to accept support from others who also continue the struggle. There are times in your life when you’ve held the lantern in the dark for others, helping to show them the way. Now it’s your turn to be led. No one can take the journey for you, but they can hold your hand and guide you through the darkness into the light.

3. Recognize experience becomes wisdom

When you are in the midst of your challenge, it’s hard to imagine a time when the transformation will be complete and the experience will become wisdom. As long as you feel you’re in transformation, you are not any wiser for it. It is when you are complete with the struggle that you can gain perspective and can then transform the experience into wisdom. You no longer identify with the disappointment. You have distance from your challenge and can now examine it with clarity and perspective. You’ll look back and reflect on your behavior and the results of your actions. Don’t judge them as good or bad. They simply are. Then take that information and catalog it. Now it is in your mental and emotional files. Soon you will be called upon to participate in another struggle. It may not be any easier, but now you have a greater awareness of how to get through it. You will be wiser than before, but not as wise as you will become.

4. Life is a gift beyond measure

Sometimes life will be raw. But if you allow it, your life can become a creative expression of who we are. The choice to be awake and present for the experience can crystallize in greater clarity on your purpose for being on this Earth at this time. It is up to you to decide. This opportunity to choose is given to you every time you face challenge and struggle. When you are in the metamorphosis from a cocoon to a butterfly remember that the reward of your great effort is wings to take flight.

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